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Sex Education For Married Couples - Everything You Need to Know To Maintain A Healthy Long Term Sex Life!

Author: Lucinda Treves

Sex Education For Married Couples - Everything You Need to Know To Maintain A Healthy Long Term Sex Life!

Book Series: Sex Education


It may seem inconceivable to smitten, young, love-struck couples as they start their married journey together, but pretty soon along the line there is a very good chance that they will start to take each other for granted. When that happens, sex will become mundane and boring! Pretty soon theyíll stop tearing each otherís clothes off as soon as their partner walks through the door. Theyíll be able to take a shower alone without having to lock the door. And theyíll start to look forward to bedtime in order to read a few pages of their latest novel and get a good eight hours of sleep. In fact, after just a few years the chances are that they wonít even go to bed at the same time.

Exactly how long it takes, before this rather boring state of affairs overtakes the original dating buzz, depends upon a few factors. But according to the experts itís only three years in, with perhaps a few months added for those with a more active libido. In many cases, the honeymoon period is then nothing more than a distant memory and couples allow little bad habits to creep into their relationship, instead of going that extra mile to make their partner happy.

Everybody knows that little things mean a lot, but that doesnít stop a whole bunch of bad habits from creeping in, like:

* Taking few showers

* Women not bothering to regularly shave legs or armpits

* Men forgetting (or not bothering) to put the toilet seat down

* Swapping sexy matching underwear for over-sized panties

* Changing into pajamas or sloppy lounge suits before their partner even arrives home

* Forgetting anniversaries, birthdays and Valentineís Day

Although the majority of married couples will be guilty of these misdemeanors at some stage in their lives, there are ways and means to maintain a healthy long term sex life, even after ten, twenty, thirty, or even fifty years of marriage.

The Importance of Sex in Marriage

Although many young married couples look forward to the state of having sex on tap, once reality kicks in, this idea is often a long way from the fairytale. Some surveys suggest that while married couples have sex around 98 times per year on average, unmarried people engage in sexual activity almost 130 times per year. Of course, thereís much more to marriage than sex. But it is a very important aspect, which can help to keep the intimacy and love alive, and marriages going strong for many decades.

Here are just a few of the reasons why sex is so important to keep a marriage alive:

* Sex bonds a couple together - Those intimate moments really do help to bring a couple closer together. It cements the feelings that they love, desire and need each other, and helps them to keep the faith in each other.

* Sex indicates how much intimacy there is going on in a relationship - There are many different ways to show someone that you love them, but if sex comes low on the list of priorities, it could indicate other problems. Perhaps one or both partners have low self-esteem or confidence issues. Either way a healthy sex life can help to overcome these potential weak spots.

* Sex is a great way to bury the hatchet - Not literally of course, but emotion and passion in the bedroom can help a couple to look beyond any problems they may have, and bring the couple closer together again. Sex within the marriage is a clear indication that the couple trusts each other, which brings them naturally closer.

* Sex is important individually too - Everybody needs to feel loved and desired. What better way to make a person feel important and loved, than by having a passionate sexual encounter! If one partner no longer desires the other sexually, then this can be very harmful for their self-esteem, which may lead to other problems and ultimately cost the marriage.

* Sex is important to keep a marriage alive and kicking - If sex begins to dwindle within a marriage, then one or both of the partners could start to look to get their sexual kicks elsewhere, which is certainly not a healthy way to go on. Although some marriages can bounce back after infidelity, many more are permanently scarred.

All of these reasons are great examples as to why it is important to keep the sexual spark alive in a marriage, but itís not always easy. The problem is that most couples slip into apathy before they even realize what theyíre doing. Before they know it, their frequent and passionate sexual encounters with their marriage partner have become very few and far between.

Sex and Pregnancy

Sex in marriage isnít only for physical pleasure and to bring and keep a couple closer together. Thereís also the biological side of things to consider - looking forward to the pitter-patter of tiny feet. Some women find it difficult to relax and enjoy sex for intimacy sake, once the couple has decided that it is time to start a family. Sex can even become a chore in these circumstances, simply a means to an end. Forget the love and passion Ė letís get on with it and make a baby.

Here are a few of the most common mistakes that women make, which can actually prevent the pregnancy from happening.

Timing is everything - It really isnít any use just having sex at any time of the night or day when the fancy takes you. If you want to make a baby, timing is everything. The most fertile time for a woman is during ovulation when the released eggs have a life span of around 12 - 24 hours. So it is crucial to have sexual intercourse within this time period. Once this window of opportunity has passed, the chances of becoming pregnant are significantly reduced.

You donít need to do it every day - In fact, that can reduce your chances of becoming pregnant. Frequent sex can decrease the quality of the sperm, as well as reduce the sperm count. If a couple is really trying for a baby, then they should probably stick to every other day for the best results, although it is also important to learn about the ovulating cycle of the woman.

Knowing the menstrual cycle - It can be a big help to make notes about the womanís menstrual cycle in the previous months. Learning about the length of the menstrual cycle can have a major impact on pregnancy success rate. The average menstrual cycle is 28 days, and there is a four-day window between days 10 and 14 when the woman is most likely to conceive. A woman with a 32 day menstrual cycle should count back 18 days to find day 14, and 14 days back from the end of her menstrual cycle to calculate day 18. These are the days when she is most likely to conceive. If a woman has a 28 day menstrual cycle, her most fertile period will be day 10 to day 14.

The blame game - Women that have trouble conceiving will often start to blame themselves, even though it takes two to tango. In around 40% of cases, the fertility problem lies with the man and not the woman at all. If a couple have been having unprotected sex for more than a year in the hopes of conceiving a baby, then not just one but both ought to seek medical help. Putting pressure and pointing fingers isnít going to help anybody and just adds to the stress of the situation.

Other important considerations - Many couples get so wrapped up in the sexual act itself and the success / failure rate, they forget to consider other important things in their lives. A healthy lifestyle and a healthy diet are also important considerations. These can make a difference in the big scheme of things, not only helping the woman to conceive, but also to carry a healthy child. Things like an unhealthy diet, smoking and stress, being overweight and drinking alcohol can all have a negative impact on being able to conceive.

Donít get caught up with worry - Although some couples are lucky enough to almost choose the birthdays of their children and can conceive very quickly, it is also perfectly normal for it to take up to a year or even longer, for a healthy young woman to get pregnant. If it takes much longer than this, then perhaps a visit to the doctors is advisable. But up to that point there really is no need to get uptight about things.

The best sexual positions to conceive - Some married couples get positively obsessed about this, but in the big scheme of things, it really doesnít make a heap of difference. According to the experts, the majority of sperm travels towards the egg immediately after ejaculation with only a small number of sperm left over in the remaining liquid. By all means have fun and experiment, but donít become obsessed by such details. Sex is, after all, supposed to be fun.

Keeping the Sexual Spark Alive in a Marriage after Having a Baby

Welcoming a new baby is one of the most exciting times for a couple, filling their lives with joy and happiness, but it can also put a real damper onto their personal relationship. A large number of couples find that their emotional intimacy deteriorates rapidly upon the arrival of Junior. Conflicts can rear their ugly heads, hostilities increase and couples may become disrespectful towards each other at the very time they ought to be at their closest. Sometimes one of the partners may begin to feel unappreciated, lonely and neglected. This can be a real crunch time for a relationship, and it is important that they look forward to protect the special bond that they share.

There are a few things that a couple can do to prepare themselves for this dramatic change in their lives, and ensure that their marriage survives as strong as ever. Itís all about making a relationship baby proof, maintaining marital happiness and satisfaction.

* Recognize the fact that there will be changes and talk it over with your spouse before baby arrives. Once the baby is born everybody will have to make some adjustments, so it is important that both Mom and Dad are aware of the situation and what will be required of them.

* Change roles as necessary. Gender roles fade into a thing of the past once baby has arrived; at least until things settle down a little and some sort of routine is established. This can come as a bit of a shock to some men, but most are happy to take care of the general household chores for a while, so that their spouse can settle into baby duties. It is also important that the father takes the time to bond with the newborn, and is included in the daily routine as much as possible - changing diapers and taking care of the baby to give Mom the time to rest.

* Communication between the new parents is of vital importance. Misunderstanding the needs or wants of a partner can create so much confusion - communication is key. Just because a baby has arrived doesnít mean that married couples shouldnít take the time to talk about their relationship, needs and other things.

* Love and support each other as much as you possibly can. It is not unusual for new fathers to feel neglected soon after the arrival of a new baby, so it is important that couples take time out for each other too. New Moms do get very focused on looking after baby, but this is only natural. It doesnít mean that she loves her partner any less or that she doesnít love him anymore. What she needs is love and support at this time, not accusations and hostility.

* Show appreciation to your spouse in the little ways; they really do mean a lot. Little gestures like thank you show support and can make a big difference to a tired new parent. This is great advice as the family starts to grow too. Showing interest in your spouseís hobbies, interests, work and opinions can help to keep a relationship happy.

*Take the time out to have a little together time, no matter how tired you may be. Let Grandma take over the reins for an hour or two. Spending a little quiet time with your spouse where itís just the two of you can work wonders to keep the spark alive in a marriage. Remember that before the baby arrived there was just the two of you, and somewhere down the line, maybe in another twenty years, thereíll be just the two of you again. Take the time to appreciate each other.

After a baby has arrived and the couple is transformed into a real life family, it is even more important to maintain a happy, loving marriage for everybodyís sake.

How to Keep the Sex Alive in Your Marriage

Marriage is about sharing a life together and in order to keep the sexual spark in your marriage, youíve got to take into account your desires as well as the desires of your partner. Marriages do change; they evolve over time and the expectations of men and women change as they go from one stage of married life to another. As they grow older there are subtle changes, which they should notice in themselves and in their partners.

* Little things mean a lot - this is becoming a recurring theme but the truth is - itís very true. Never assume that your partner knows that you love them - tell them from time to time. Let them know how much they mean to you, how much you admire them and appreciate them. Saying thank you is often all that it takes.

* Daily routine can take its toll on everyone, given enough time. Too many couples fall into the habit of simply toeing the line without ever attempting to do anything exciting and new. This can evolve into an ever-decreasing circle and lead to people not even attempting to break down the barriers of their routine. In order to keep the sexual spark alive in a marriage, it is important to bring back the good old days with a little excitement once in a while. Do something different that gets your heart racing and releases the endorphins that rushed through your body in the beginning. All it will take is a little effort and it will come flooding back.

* Talk about your sexual fantasies in a non-confrontational manner. When partners are completely candid with each other about their sexual wants and needs, they are more likely to try out new things to fulfill each otherís fantasies. If they donít tell each other what they want to try, how will their partner ever know?

* Remember that itís not all about sex. There are other ways to spend intimate moments together too. Engaging in any intimate behavior can have a positive effect on a marriage: going dancing, taking a class, cooking together or simply walking hand in hand along the riverbank. Just spending quality time together can help a couple to feel close, loved and sexy.

* Take the time to make a marriage work. All marriages need to be worked on; they do not happen by accident. Too many people get so tied up into a daily routine that they simply donít make the time to work on their marriage or to fulfill their partnerís needs. How many times do you hear there isnít time - well make the time. What is so important that it takes away from the precious time you should be spending to ensure that you have a long, happy and sexy marriage? Surely nothing is more important than that.

And on the subject of time...

Itís All about Timing - Are You a Morning or an Evening Person?

In this section, it isnít about the right time to have sex to conceive, itís about finding the right time to have a fabulous, passionate sexual encounter that fulfills all of your wildest fantasies. Hereís a good question:

Why are men more up for it in the mornings, but women are more likely to feel frisky at nighttime? Some married couples might be surprised to learn that they are not the only ones who have trouble with timing.

Synchronizing sex clocks isnít always easy. Many men wake up with that amorous feeling, whereas their other halves prefer to wait until the evening before they get into the mood for love.

Men are often wide awake and in the mood, when all the woman wants to do is to roll over and go back to sleep. And then when she gets in the mood, heís often laying flat on his back snoring. The reason behind this is not (as many people believe) being downright awkward. Itís actually related to hormones, which is why the clocks donít always tick in unison.

5 am - It only takes a small amount of testosterone for a man to feel sexy, and their levels are usually at their highest around this time in the morning. The hormone levels will have been rising steadily throughout the night, ready for an early morning wake up call. Itís not uncommon for men to wake up two or three times each week, with an erection.

6 am - By six oíclock the hormones can be really raging, particularly if the man has enjoyed a good nightís sleep. Studies show that the longer a man sleeps, the higher his levels of testosterone. No wonder they wake up feeling lively after a good eight or nine hours sleep.

7 am - The problem with the female body clock is that it works exactly the opposite to the male. Male testosterone is highest in the mornings, whereas female testosterone levels peak in the evenings. So they actually reach their lowest ebb in the mornings, when the male is ready for action. The hormonal levels of women are actually more likely to peak and trough, due more to the time of the month than to the time of the day. Halfway through a menstrual cycle, the testosterone levels of a woman can be up to 30 times the amount they were at the beginning of the cycle.

Just in case some men havenít noticed; it takes a lot more than hormones to get some women in the mood, which is why they have to put in a little bit of extra effort.

8 am / 9 am - Stress levels rise as both men and women wake up and prepare for the busy day ahead, which does counteract many of the effects of the testosterone. In the event of an extremely stressful day, the sex drive can be significantly lowered for both sexes.

6 pm - By the evening the ladies hormones are steadily rising, while the manís levels start to fall away. A strenuous session at the gym can help to give the libido a boost, with a half hourís intense exercise working wonders. It has been found that men who regularly exercise have around 30% more sex than those who donít, and 25% more orgasms. Better go and find that gym membership quick.

7 pm - Time to unwind after a stressful day, with a little music. This can help to give the sex hormones in women a boost, but rather surprisingly has the opposite effect on men. Whereas music can help women to relax and feel sexy, it helps to calm their mateís aggression, which actually reduces his testosterone levels. This can however be overturned by a good sports result in favor of his team. Levels can rise significantly after a win, but on the flip side, drop after losing an important game.

9 pm / 10 pm - As the manís testosterone levels are settling down for the night, a womanís reaches its highest peak, although this isnít the only influence a woman has for feeling sexy. If a woman feels and sees herself as attractive, she is more likely to want sex than if she feels that she is unattractive. If she feels overweight or unloved, she is less likely to want sex.

11 pm - Although the manís testosterone levels are at an all-time low in the evenings, they are still higher than their partners, so this is the most likely time that a couple will have sex. Women will have a more intense orgasm depending upon where she is in her menstrual cycle, peaking on or about the 13th day. Orgasms release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which makes couples feel extra close. It may also be responsible for the man turning over and falling asleep immediately after lovemaking.

Having a basic understanding of these biological reasons can help married couples to realize that their partners are really not simply being awkward in wanting to make love at the opposite end of the day. Itís all thanks to nature. It can also help to answer another age-old question . . .

Why do Women Need a Cuddle after Having Sex

Immediately after sex when many men want to simply roll over and catch some zzzzís, all that their partner wants to do is cuddle. This can cause problems in some marriages. If the guy ignores the request and turns over for a snooze; it can leave the woman feeling rejected and unloved. So why do so many women need to cuddle after theyíve had sex?

Cuddling is the way that some women feel a lasting bond with their partner, extending the intimacy of the sex with the assurance that they are loved. Sharing their bodies and passion during sex can leave some women feeling extremely emotional and wanting to share the deep love, which they feel for their partner. Many women will choose this time to try and discuss their relationship and other intimate details, much to the annoyance of some tired partners who just want to fall asleep.

Itís all about intimacy. Whereas women like to cuddle and enjoy an intimate moment or two, men are more likely to want reward; a nap followed by a tasty snack to munch on.

Kissing is another activity, which has definite gender differences. Whereas the majority of men will start to kiss before having sex as part of the foreplay, lots of women like to kiss after the sex has finished. Women often feel an overwhelming urge to tell their partners that they love them too. And woe to any spouse who doesnít feel the urge to say I love you too.

Living in a Marriage without Sex

A surprising number of couples are living in a sexless marriage these days. Although there are estimates, nobody will ever really know just how widespread the problem is. Many couples feel embarrassed to speak about such problems and admit that there are sexual issues in their marriage.

There are a number of different reasons why so many marriages end up with sexual problems, and a lack of sexual satisfaction within their partnerships.

Marriage, - Yes, marriage itself can bring on these changes. Whereas many newly married couples canít get enough of each other in the beginning, this can quickly change once it becomes too much of a routine. A large number of couples tend to lose interest in sex a little while after they have got married. Once sexual encounters lose their naughtiness or couples no longer have the issues of trying to manipulate situations to have sex, the novelty simply starts to wear thin. For example, taking the opportunity to have sex in their parentsí homes can be thrilling.

Affluence - Everything comes at a cost, and many married couples are so busy with their hectic lifestyles that they donít make the time for intimacy with each other. Work / time differences and stressful city jobs can all take their toll. Some of these people simply donít realize the importance of maintaining a healthy sexual relationship within a marriage, and neglect to see how vital it is for the success of their marriage. Sex is a vital part of a marriage to help make and maintain a strong bond between the partners.

Children - Once children come along, they bring with them a whole load of factors, which can result in the couple enjoying less sexual relations. Having children naturally means that couples have less time for each other, particularly when a new addition to the family arrives. Parents can also get tied up with the needs of their children and put their own needs onto the back burner. Having children in the house also reduces the amount of privacy available for a couple to become intimate, plus reduces the chances of disappearing for a romantic weekend away.

Fantasies - This has already been touched upon a little earlier, but once a couple gets married, lots of the pre-marriage sexual excitement and fantasies fade away. After getting married, couples have the opportunity to live out their fantasies however and whenever they please. It is very often the case that the anticipation of the fantasy is far superior to the real thing, which can lead to dissatisfaction and boredom in the bedroom.

Understanding - Or to be more precise, a lack of understanding. The sexual needs of each partner changes and grows throughout a marriage, so it is important to be open and communicative with your partner. The problems associated with men and women having different sexual urges at different times of the day have already been discussed If couples donít discuss these issues with each other, then they will never know or understand how the other feels, and sexual intimacy can simply drift away.

A healthy sex life is a very important part of a healthy, happy marriage, so here are a few ideas to help to rescue your sex life and give it a shot of spice.

Spicing Up Your Sex Life

There are plenty of ways in which you can inject the original excitement back into your sex life, however long you have been married and however stuck in a rut you may have become. Try a few of these on for size:

* Pretend that youíve only just met. Imagine your partner through new eyes and that they are seeing you for the first time. Make the same kind of effort you did when you were first together. Make sure that you are clean, tidy, looking good and looking sexy. This is one way to rediscover the sexual chemistry, which brought you together in the first place.

* Tease a little. Okay, so maybe you can hear that the kids are up and wrecking their bedroom. Itís only a matter of time before theyíll need to be dressed and fed, but never mind, have a kiss and a cuddle anyway. Of course you wonít be able to go all the way but it makes for an exciting start to the morning, and you will wait in eager anticipation for when you have the chance to further your sexual adventure.

* If youíre in the mood at the wrong time - the difference in sexual time clocks between men and women has already been discussed and this can be a real problem. If a woman feels in the mood at lunchtime, she is very likely to be tired and well past it by the time her partner gets home from work in the evenings. What an opportunity missed. One great way around this is for her to write a little note and put it on her partnerís pillow, perhaps along with something suggestive. She may be far too tired to start anything later, but once he spots the clue heíll get the message and remind her.

* Send a message. Technology these days allows us to contact each other at any time, so why not send a secret, sexy message whenever you feel the urge. This will not only help to make your partnerís day, but they will also hurry home as quickly as possible to act out your secret sexual desires. Do make sure that you use a secure email account!

* Watch an adult video. It doesnít have to be outright porn; there are some videos available which are designed to help couples to increase their sexual enjoyment. Some sex therapists have released videos in which they teach a couple how to stimulate each other for enhanced sexual enjoyment. These are not threatening or intimidating, but they can really help to increase the sexual satisfaction for both partners.

* Donít let real life get in the way. If your partnerís cell phone goes off just as things are starting to get intimate (and they insist on answering it), donít let that stop you. Carry on kissing and caressing, while your partner attempts to carry on with a normal conversation. The power will drive your partner wild and when the conversation is eventually finished (which wonít be long), the resulting fireworks will be spectacular.

* Go for the element of surprise. Sometimes taking someone (and yourself) by surprise can reap fabulous results, although if you plan to greet your partner in the nude when they get home from work, please make sure that it is your partner coming through the door and that they are alone, or the surprise could be on you.

* Take the initiative. Sometimes a little bossiness can be very erotic. Although not everyone fantasizes about a partner being a subservient puppy, it can help to spice things up a bit if you just demand what, when and how you want something.

* Paying sexy compliments to each other can help to re-light a spark. Everybody likes to be complimented.

* Dancing can be very erotic. You donít even need a pole. Just dancing in front of your partner or holding them close and gently swaying to the music can help to get you both in the mood. Next time a love song comes on the radio, grab your partner and have a smooch around the kitchen. You never know where it may lead.

* Make the time to spend together. It isnít just about having sex; itís about sharing intimate moments. Perhaps you should read a chapter of a book together each night in bed, while sipping a glass of wine or two. Whatever pastimes you enjoy, try enjoying them together.

* Play games. If things are getting a little monotonous in the bedroom, challenge your partner to a game. It doesnít have to be any sort of sexual game; perhaps cards, a board game or even a quiz. The rule is that the winner gets to choose whatever they want to do next.

* Create the mood. Setting the mood for love can make a big difference to a marriage. Perhaps cooking a special dinner and eating it by candlelight, with some sultry music gently playing in the background can set the mood. How will any couple be able to resist each other straight after dessert?

Whilst these are fabulous tips to crank up the spiciness of your sex life, some couples find themselves in a sexless marriage for other reasons.

Helping a Partner to Deal with the Dreaded ED - Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction problems can happen at any time. Itís not just older men who suffer from these problems, younger men can experience them too. Dealing with erectile dysfunction can be devastating for a marriage. It can make the man feel inadequate and threaten his masculinity. It can also be tricky for the woman to know how to handle the effects of erectile dysfunction, often feeling insecure and unloved in some way, or feeling responsible for their husbandís lack of erection. Perhaps their husband simply doesnít find them attractive anymore, which is why they are not turned on.

Think about this for a moment:

* 50% of men over the age of 40 suffer from ED at some point

* Men who suffer from diabetes are very likely to develop ED within around 10 years

* In around 20% of cases, men who suffer from ED end up divorced

The sex gurus and experts of the past would prescribe nothing more than a romantic holiday for the couple, to recapture their sexual excitement. There are plenty of commercials around, which say that all you have to do is pop a pill and youíll be cured. The latter may be able to deal with the symptoms, but that doesnít help the woman to feel any better about herself and her own part in the problem

Erectile dysfunction and sexual failure is far from a problem of being turned on, although unfortunately the majority of women donít really believe that. They often end up aiming the attention at themselves, instead of challenging the real problems that their husband is facing.

Erectile dysfunction does not mean that the husband finds his wife unattractive; it does not mean that he is having an extra martial affair. The truth is very often, very far removed from these theories.

In order to really understand the problems of erectile dysfunction and how a wife can help her partner to overcome the sexual difficulties they face, it is important to go back to basics.

Erectile dysfunction - aka ED - is the inability of a man to attain and / or maintain an erection, which is capable of providing mutual satisfaction in the sexual act. This is a problem which most men face at some point in their lives, but rather than a temporary glitch caused by excessive alcohol or late nights, for some people it can be a recurring problem. Anyone who experiences persistent erectile dysfunction (in a variety of situations) more than five times in the space of a month should probably seek expert medical advice. Erectile dysfunction is rarely a sexual problem; the root cause is often a medical problem such as diabetes, high cholesterol or the beginnings of cardio vascular disease.

Men find the problem of erectile dysfunction terrifying. To them, it is linked with shame, anxiety and terror, equating to a lack of masculinity, vigor and strength. The way a man sees himself is linked very closely to his perceived sexual prowess.

Whereas men often equate the problems of erectile dysfunction as something mechanical, women are more likely to equate ED with problems within the relationship. The man will look inwards to try and sort out their problems, whilst women insist on talking through relationship issues. This in turn makes the man feel like he is under attack and makes him withdraw even further into his shell, which only goes to affirm to their partner that everything is their fault. Eventually the couple will stop touching each other and talking at all. The breakdown in communication, which follows, can lead to a very unhappy situation and eventually even divorce.

So what can you do to help your husband overcome the problems of erectile dysfunction? Trying harder is probably not the answer and may even make the situation even worse, though this seems to be a natural reaction of many women. There seems to be no happy medium. They either close down completely and communication fails, or they go into some sort of overdrive in eroticism trying to kick-start the sexual prowess of their partner.

To put it plainly, investing in erotic lingerie and trying to seduce your husband every night will simply pile on more pressure, and could make the problem worse. The truth is that the less pressure the woman places on her partner, the better it will be for everybody. If the woman becomes an ally and helps to reduce the anxiety and pressure the man naturally feels by being unable to perform, the better it will be for them both in the long term.

So what happens next? The first step is of course to try to identify and eliminate the root cause of the erectile dysfunction. ED may be a side effect of medication, which he is taking for a completely unrelated condition. Doctors may suggest taking appropriate medication and treatment for the problems.

It is important that the woman does not expect an immediate fix, and start to pile on the pressure as soon as their husband starts to take the medication. Be careful not to blame him, itís not his fault. But on the other hand, donít blame yourself either because itís not your fault. Reassure him that you love him and donít let these medical problems turn into sexual or relationship problems, which can signal the end of your marriage. If a couple has a strong enough bond and trusting relationship before the onset of ED, then there is no reason why they canít get it back over a period of time.

Here are a few other things a wife can do to help her husband and their relationship beat the battle of ED:

* Become a friend and do fun things together. Help him to deal with stresses he may be feeling at work, with the family, finances and the other things, which life is throwing at him.

* Treat the problem of ED as something of a minor inconvenience rather than a major problem. If he canít rise to the occasion donít make a big deal out of it, have a kiss and a cuddle on the sofa while watching a movie.

* Help your husband to follow a healthy lifestyle. Stopping smoking, losing weight and cutting back on alcohol consumption can all help to give a boost in the bedroom department.

Erectile Dysfunction in Young Men

Erectile dysfunction can affect younger men for a variety of reasons, and some newly married couples find these problems quite early on in their marriage. There are a few different theories and things, which you can try, together, to maintain a healthy sexual relationship.

The Problems with Porn - it is quite normal for men who have watched a lot of porn throughout their teenage years to have problems with ED. Even once they marry and donít rely on porn so much for their sexual kicks, they can still have problems getting and maintaining an erection. Their arousal process may be completely messed up and will need a little retraining.

So how do you go about it?

* Stop watching porn. If porn is the problem behind ED; the continued use of it will only make matters worse. After abstaining from pornographic material for a few weeks, the brain and body will return to some sort of normality and the sexual dysfunction may improve.

* Focus on the intimacy in your relationship. Itís about retraining your body, and focusing your relationship on intimacy, instead of just on sex. This can really help to give your love life a boost.

It is very important that the wife does not try to recreate pornographic material in the course of their lovemaking; this is certainly not the answer to the problem. The wife need not try to be hotter than the porn star; she needs to retrain her husband to react to intimacy rather than sex. Porn is the enemy, so she should be careful not to berate her husband. Take out anger on the porn, not the partner. Accept that it will take a little time before things get back to normal - gently does it and it will be worth it in the end.

Concentrate on your friendship rather than your sexual relationship. The more that you talk and laugh together, the more strength you will have as a couple to triumph over this type of problem.

The Benefits of Watching Educational Health / Sex Videos

Before going any further, it is important to point out that educational sex videos are not porn. They is nothing like porn, but they can help couples to take their love making to a whole new level. These videos are much more realistic than pornography, although they can still be quite erotic and help to give an exciting twist to a coupleís sex life.

Human beings are, by nature, voyeuristic and love to watch people getting it on, even though a lot of people may be too ashamed or embarrassed to admit it. If you and your partner watch an educational sex video together, thereís a lot more to it than BJís and many couples find that they give a real boost to their sex life. The main benefits are:

* The couples in the videos are real couples and not actors who have been hired to get their clothes off and moan a lot. These actors may not have even met before and simply pretend to have some sort of sexual chemistry. If married couples want to improve their sex life, then it makes sense that they should mimic real couples enjoying a real sexual relationship. That way they can take inspiration from how they really have sex, the way that they sound, the things they ask each other, the whole thing. Very few couples watch porn together. Pornography is designed to do nothing more than titillate, often achieving this with inadequate, incomplete and inaccurate ways.

* These real people have real bodies and not the enhanced, perfect large breasts and beautifully shaved privates of your average porn star. Watching these movies can help to make a woman feel unattractive or insecure about their own bodies, and thatís before we even start on the men. How is anyone supposed to feel sexy if they donít feel that they can measure up to the performance?

The Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage

Every happily married couple will no doubt have their own personal recipe for success, but there are some commonly occurring traits that can be singled out as the main secrets to maintaining a long, happy and sexually fulfilled marriage.

1. Although they say that opposites attract, this isnít necessarily the key to a long and happy marriage. The reality is that people who have lots of similarities are more likely to stay together. This means that the couple will have similar interests, similar ambitions and want similar things from life.

2. A positive attitude is important from both members of the partnership. If you and your partner show that you care for each other, give lots of encouragement and positive communication, then chances are that youíll be together forever. If a partner shows little or no interest in the fortunes of the other, then the writing is on the wall. Positivity creates enthusiasm, which creates happiness. Itís the same in all aspects of life, including the bedroom.

3. Listening to what each other has to say. Really reflective listening is a far cry from just waiting for the other person to stop speaking, and thinking about what youíll say when you get the chance. If we know that somebody is truly listening to what we have to say, we feel a much closer connectivity to that person. Trust is the foundation of a strong marriage. Reflective listening is one of the main ways to build that trusting bond.

4. All couples fight over some things during their lives together, but the important thing is to fight fair. At the end of the day it is not generally important who is wrong and who is right, itís all about finding a mutual solution to whatever problem has arisen. Itís not about keeping score. It is also great fun to make up after a disagreement. Thereís nothing like a disagreement to get the sexual passion flowing.

Infidelity - The Causes of Infidelity in Marriage during Middle Age

Happy marriages and intimate relationships need constant work and attention; they donít just happen by accident. In order for a relationship to grow, it needs lots of love, armfuls of affection and more. Sometimes a couple, or one partner in a couple may neglect these feelings, which can lead to their partner searching for intimacy and love elsewhere. Long-term relationships need lots of attention and understanding. If one half of a partnership feels unappreciated; it can lead them to seek their affections from someone else.

Infidelity in Middle Age Ė This is more prevalent than you may think. In fact, a surprising number of people tend to stray as they reach middle age. Everyone has heard about the midlife crisis, the feeling that a person has that their life has been overtaken by boredom and monotony. Infidelity may be nothing more than a method of putting a little spark back into their lives.

Stress and Infidelity - One of the bi-products of our modern, busy lives is that many couples spend less and less time together. The partner may very well be busy following their career path in the pursuit of wealth and taking up a host of professional activities. This leads to people spending less time with their partners, and so they may fall into a relationship with someone at their place of work. These are the people they spend the majority of their time with, colleagues who become just that little bit too close, which can cause problems within the existing marriage.

Infidelity and Incompatibility - Unfortunately, some people do marry people with whom they are completely incompatible. These issues become exaggerated over time, as each partner starts to grow in a different direction. This can be an unfortunate side effect of people who get married at a very young age, before they really know what they want from their own lives, never mind sharing their lives with a partner. Boredom in a partnership can cause one partner to stray elsewhere in search of excitement and a little spice.

Infidelity and Attraction - Sometimes it really is a case of people becoming attracted to someone outside their relationship, even though they donít intend for it to happen. It is a natural feeling for people to be attracted to one another, but in real terms, this should not be allowed to progress beyond mutual admiration. If the person has strong morals and a solid relationship with their partner, this should be enough to help them see past the pitfalls and maintain their healthy relationship.

Although finding that a partner has been unfaithful in a marriage provokes the strongest feelings of hurt and the impulse may be to file for divorce, once the dust has settled, there just may be a way back to re-build the relationship. Re-bonding with a partner after their infidelity is possible, but it does take a lot of time.Surviving Infidelity - Healing and Re-Bonding to Save a Marriage

Anyone who experiences infidelity in a partnership will know well the feelings of being wronged and hurt. Trust has been destroyed, and thereís a distinct desire to run away and leave the relationship, or more precisely the partner who broke their trust. Although this is the initial knee-jerk reaction, in most infidelity cases it is not always the end of the story.

Very often the cheating partner will see the error of their ways and accept that they have made a monumental mistake, vow that it will never happen again and beg for forgiveness and a fresh start. This can be a great dilemma, which needs very careful handling, particularly if the wronged partner can recognize the repentance in their partnerís eyes and still has strong feelings for him or her.

So what is the best way forward? This is a make or break decision, which needs very careful consideration.

Be wise - Donít let your heart rule your head. Rational thinking is needed here and not just an emotional reaction. Reconciliation may be the best thing to do for both of you, if it really was an isolated incident when the spouse simply got carried away and truly regrets the error of their ways. In that case, reconciliation may well be the correct choice.

Talk openly - Before making any decision, it is important that you speak with your partner to work out the problems you had. This is the one time when the partner ought to be willing to give straight, truthful and honest answers. It is important to clear these things up before a new relationship can move forward. Let it all out - the hurt, anger, resentment and sadness. You owe it to yourself and your partner to let them know exactly how their actions have made you feel. This can actually help to speed up the healing process.

Work at your relationship together - There are many different reasons for infidelity, some of which have already been covered. It may be the case that both parties realize that they were not completely blameless in the situation and in the neglect of the marriage or relationship. An event like this can make both parties realize just how special and precious their relationship is, and that it needs a constant supply of attention and love to sustain it. If this is the case, then it will take a real joint effort in order to get the relationship back on track and working in the future, but it can be done.

Starting again - This is the perfect opportunity for both partners to take a long, hard look at themselves and identify the mistakes, which both of them made to weaken their marriage. It is important for these things to be discussed without resorting to blaming each other - that wonít help anybody. Identify how both people can improve and get started by creating these new habits.

Donít make promises you canít keep - Actions speak louder than words. False promises wonít help the situation at all; acting out the promises is the way forward.

Donít try to manipulate your partner - The guilty party will feel guilty enough without having it pushed down his or her throat every five minutes. Before any re-bonding can truly take place, you must forgive and forget what happened in the past; at least not let it affect your future in a negative way. The past is gone; nothing can change it and donít be tempted to bring that negativity into present situations. Having said that, it is only natural for the wronged partner to proceed with caution while trying not to be overly suspicious. This will only serve to drive them away again.

Go back to square one - Remember the fun you had on the early dates? Well, go back and start again. Going on dates, exchanging small gifts and working to woo each other once more can help to revitalize the relationship. It can also help if a couple finds a common interest or hobby to share, which can help to bring them closer together and keep them closer together in the future.

Give it time - Gradually, little by little you will be able to leave the past behind and look forward to a happy, healthy relationship in the future.

Showing sexual intimacy - This can be very difficult after you know that your partner has cheated and shared intimate moments with someone else. Some people simply canít get past thinking about the other person and allow them to come between any future intimate moments. Overcoming this hurdle is an important step on the road to recovery for your relationship, and the future strength and happiness of your marriage.

Sex After 50

Although the very idea of sex among the over 50s may be nothing short of terrifying to the younger generation (particularly their parents), sex certainly isnít something that only young people can enjoy. It may present a few challenges (many of which have already been covered), but there really is no reason why couples cannot enjoy a healthy sex life into their old age. Sex is not about age; it is all about desire.

Everyone needs intimacy, whatever their age and whatever their gender. Okay, so sex in your 70s or 80s might not be anything like the sexual experiences you enjoyed in your 20s, but in a lot of ways it gets ever better. Older adults have more sexual experience and they know exactly what they like and how to please each other - they know which buttons to push.

As people get older, they also have more self-confidence and awareness. They have more time to relax and enjoy the finer things in life, with fewer demands from growing families, financial pressures and the stresses of the workplace.

This doesnít stop a large number of people from worrying about sex as they get older, which can lead them into withdrawing from their sexual relationships. Some people feel embarrassed about their aging bodies, others worry about their performance and some may be affected by illness. It is important for couples that have enjoyed a long and active marriage with a healthy sex life, not to simply give up as they approach old age, thinking that enjoyable sex is a thing of the past. Thereís certainly a lot to look forward to in that department.

As people get older their priorities change. The things, which have been predominant in their earlier years - their careers and raising a family - are generally not as prevalent, leaving lots more time to spend on personal relationships. Sex can play a very important part in this time of life. It can:

* Help to improve or maintain your physical and mental health. Sexual activity helps to burn fat; it also reduces anxiety and releases endorphins into the brain.

* An active sex life can actually help to increase your lifespan. Thereís no getting away from the fact that sex is good for the health.

* Sex can help to solidify relationships; even after many years of marriage it can help a couple to stay close and committed to each other.

* Sex gives everyone the chance to escape from the harsh realities of the real world for a time. The only thing that matters in those moments is the closeness between you and your partner.

How to Embrace Sex as You Get Older

The sex that people enjoy as they get older is probably a million miles away from the sex they enjoyed in the early days of their marriage. But, that doesnít necessarily mean that itís worse. Many people find that their sex life improves with age. Older people can:

* Benefit from their years of experience. Older people are generally more self-confident and independent than they were when they were just starting out in adulthood, which can make them very attractive to their partners or, indeed new potential partners. Both men and women generally have less hang-ups about their bodies when they reach 65, than they did at 25 years of age. They also know what they like, what makes them happy and what excites them. Life experiences really can help your sex life to be better than ever.

* Instead of dwelling on how you used to do things, look ahead and face the challenges as they arise. Anyone who has enjoyed an active, healthy sex life in their younger days can still enjoy an active, healthy sex life into their later years, if they have the desire to do so. Itís all a matter of attitude - a positive attitude goes a long way.

* Accept that your body will look and feel much differently as you grow older. Itís no good harking back to the days when you were in your twenties. As people grow older, their bodies start to change both shape and texture - get over it. If you learn to accept such changes, you will feel better in yourself and that will in turn make you more attractive to your partner. Honesty and confidence are a great turn on - very sexy and extremely appealing.

* As people grow older, they need to worry less about how sex ought to be and focus on what they actually can do. There is so much more to sex than the act of intercourse. Donít forget about touch and intimacy; anyone can enjoy these things, even if health problems prevent them from performing the sexual act. Itís all about finding what works for you and your partner now, and not what worked for the pair of you twenty years ago. You may have to use a little imagination and creativity to find the best solutions.

* Try different sexual positions until you find one, which both partners find pleasurable and comfortable at the same time. If the man is suffering from mild erectile dysfunction then it can help for the woman to go on the top; the hardness of the erection is less important in this way. Older women may find that additional lubrication is required.

* Try different aspects of sex, particularly if sexual intercourse is difficult. The act of simply holding each other, kissing, caressing and massage can help to bring intimacy and closeness to a couple at any age. Masturbation and oral sex can also be used to substitute the act of intercourse if necessary.

* A change of routine can help a lot; after all, older people donít have the same time restrictions on their day as younger couples. If you start to feel tired in the evenings, then why not enjoy sex in the mornings, itís not as though anyone has to be at the office before 9am. Some older couples find that they have more energy in the mornings, which can result in much better and more frequent sex.

* Donít forget to focus on foreplay. Some people take longer to get aroused as they get older, but that doesnít mean that they canít enjoy sex. Set a romantic scene with a nice dinner followed by a little intimate dancing, touching and kissing, which all can help you to get in the mood for a passionate encounter.

The important thing is not to assume that sex is for younger people only, and simply give up on your sex life, as you get older. Even if your sex drive has been temporarily stalled due to illness or emotional challenges, it doesnít mean it has to be a permanent problem. Kick-starting your sex life can be great, healthy fun. Here are a few tips on how you can kick-start a stalled sex life, even if youíre considered to be past your prime:

* Talk things over with your partner, a doctor, a friend or anyone else who you feel that you can trust, if you have any emotional or physical problems or worries about having sex. Try to explain the things you are anxious about. Communicating about these things can be a great help.

* Just get on with it. Sex is great exercise, itís healthy, itís great fun and you might just surprise yourself if you just get on and do it. Even if you donít really feel in the mood, you should make yourself get into practice. The more you have sex, the more you will start to feel better about yourself, and your sex drive will increase naturally. Get back into the habit of having sex Ė youíll love it.

* Increasing your levels of activity in other areas can also help to increase your sex drive. All exercise helps to increase energy, mood and well-being.

* Throw caution to the wind and enjoy yourself, although of course youíve got to be candid with yourself and act wisely. Donít worry about feeling inadequate - just go with it and have a great sex life all the way through your marriage.

In Conclusion

Marriage is a complicated business with many different aspects to take into account. When people marry they do so because they want to share their lives through the good times and the bad. One of the most important and most enjoyable ways of maintaining a marriage in the long term is to enjoy a healthy, active sex life.

It probably wonít be all clear sailing, but then again, things that are really worth having, rarely are.